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改卷老师眼中的优秀英语作文-- 写作指导(二)
2015-11-12 10:59:29   来源:    点击:
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                                                广东梅县东山中学         曾梓强

附录一:2013·广东
阅读下面短文,然后按要求写一篇150词左右的英语短文。
To many people even the word “work” sounds unpleasant ,not necessarily because they are lazy. The same man, who dislikes his job in the factory or even in the office ,may work hard at the weekend ,painting the house or digging the garden.
What is the reason ,then ?In most cases ,it is because these people simply do not enjoy the job they are doing .It does not give them any real satisfaction .It may be quite easy ,like making up wooden boxes ,but it is very boring. Very often they are doing a job which is just a small part of a much larger one ,such as attaching a door handle to a car .But the part they play in actually making the car is so small that they can never say :I have made something !
Yet in modern society somebody has to do ordinary jobs such as cleaning streets because this is the way society is organized. No matter how ordinary a job is, it plays a part in society and therefore deserves our due respect. Society cannot function a single day without the “dull and boring” jobs.
 [写作内容] 
1、 以约30个词概括上文的主要内容。 
2.、以约120个词谈谈你对平凡工作的想法,内容包括: 
(1)描述清洁工工作的艰辛;(2)假如没有清洁工,环境会变得如何?(3)你对平凡工作者的看法。 
写作要求  1.作文中可以使用亲身经历或虚构的故事,也可以参照阅读材料的内容,但不得直接 引用原文中的句子。
2. 作文中不能出现真实姓名和学校名称。 
评分标准: 概括准确,语言规范,内容合适,语篇连贯。
年报数据:

题号 平均分 标准差 难度 区分度
52 10.86 6.30 0.43 0.91
 
测量目标:写作——能有效运用所学语言知识,清楚连贯地传递信息表达意思。
试题分析:读写任务共一小题,满分25分,在试卷整体中所占比例很大。根据考情分析,读写任务的评分内容包括概要和主题两部分。在年报数据中,该题平均得分10.86分,有一定难度。对该题的具体分析:1、文体:议论文;2、时态:一般现在时;3、主题:描述清洁工工作的艰辛,表达对平凡工作者的看法。
 
范文:
 In the passage, the author mainly stresses the importance of small and ordinary work, such as cleaning the street. Because of their essentiality for the organization of the society, he thinks those doing such jobs should be respected greatly.
There is no doubt that what a cleaner does is harder compared with any other jobs in the society. On one hand, they must get up in the early morning every day to clean the street while we are still in the sweet sleeping dreams. On the other hand, they also suffer from less respect and lower pay, working all day on the street no matter it is sun shines strongly or snow, wind heavily.
Nobody could imagine what a bad environment we would live in if there were no cleaners in the city. Wherever we go, there is rubbish. Maybe we would soon be drowned in the mountain of rubbish. Ever worse, if there were no change about that, disease would spread at a very quick speed. Is there anything that can be worse than this!  
From the above, I can draw the conclusion safely that even the smallest and the most ordinary job, such as cleaning the street, is also the necessary part to keep the society going smoothly. Consequently, those who do those most insignificant jobs should get respect as much as those being engineers or teachers.
 
知识结构缺陷总结:
根据年报数据可以看出,2013年的读写任务的平均得分为10.86分,在试卷中难度较大,失分率较高。分析考题可知,该段阅读材料没有明显的主题句,考生在概括材料时容易失分。因而考生要先通读材料,发现关键点,如上述例题中通过所给材料的第三段内容给出了“平凡工作”这个关键词,抓住此关键点加以论述和延伸便不会跑题。其次,写作过程中考生需运用生活经验与想象力来描述清洁工作。对于部分同学来说,也是一个难点,所以广大考生应注意平时的观察和积累。再次,“谈看法”也是难点之一,属于开放的题目要求,考生往往不知从何入手,建议考生在文中先这出自己的观点、立场,是肯定还否定态度,再加以论证自己的观点。
 
附录二:2014·广东
Oseola McCarty spent more than 75 years washing and ironing other people’s clothes. As a laundrywoman, she was paid only a few dollars each time. Certainly nobody would consider her rich, so they were all amazed when Miss McCarty decided to donate $ 150,000 to the University of Southern Mississippi.
The money was all her life savings. She could save such a large amount of money because she lived a very simple life. She never learned to drive, and when she wanted to go somewhere, she just walked. She never flew to anywhere till the donation(捐助),and in 50 years she had been out of the South only once. The house in which she lived was also a rather modest one her last uncle left her. Only after she became known in America did she begin to travel all over the country. Since then, she had been the subject of many interviews and articles and was even invited to the White House.
Her donation was for students who clearly needed financial help. She herself left school in the sixth grade and had never married or had children. She said to the reporters that the idea of helping somebody’s child go to college gave her much pleasure.

写作内容:
1、用约30个词概括上文的主要内容。
2、用约120个词就Miss McCarty的捐助谈谈你的想法,内容包括:
(1)你如何看待她的捐助行为;(2)你认为她的捐助对受惠学生有哪些影响;(3)如果你自己要捐助,你会选择哪个群体并陈述理由。
写作要求:
1、作文中可以使用亲身经历或虚构的故事,也可以参照阅读材料的内容,但不得直接引用原文的句子。
2、作文中不得出现真实姓名和学校名称。
评分标准:概括准确,语言规范,内容合适,篇章连贯。
示例精析:
测量目标:主要考查考生的思维概括能力和语言表达能力,要求考生根据给出的英语材料,结合自己的理解,写一篇关于对Miss McCarty捐助行为的议论文。
试题分析:1、文体:议论文;2、时态:一般现在时;3、主题:描述Miss McCarty捐助行为,然后表达自己的想法。
 
范文:
Oseola McCarty, who was a laundrywoman for more than 75 years. She  earned a few dollars each time. But she donated $150,000 which was her life savings to help the students who needed financial help.
I think her behavior of donating money is worth praising and very unselfish. Everyone should help others in need. But how much to donate should be based on our actual situation. Although Oscola McCarty was not rich,she donated all her savings, and there-fore, those who needed help could obtain her financial support. This is what we should learn from her.
From my respective, her selfless donation has a great impact on those students who are favored. The $150,000 is very helpful to the students who have financial problems. They can buy many things they need as other students. And they may be more grateful and kinder. Therefore, it’s more likely for them to help others in the future.
If I am going to give donations, I will choose students too. They are in the most important period in their life. They need to get a long education. They have to buy a lot of books, pencil-cases, pens, erasers and so on, which will certainly cost a lot. They are growing up rapidly, which needs a lot of nutrition. If they don’t have enough money, they can’t eat enough food and take in enough energy. In a word, money is very important to students.(189 words)
 
附录三:
读写任务(共1小题,满分25分)
阅读下面短文,然后按要求写一篇150词左右的英语短文
 “When should I begin to acquire good habits?”a young boy asked his teacher.
   “How old are you?” asked the teacher.
   “Eight years old, sir.”answered the boy.
   “Then you have just lost eight years,” the teacher replied.
    There is no doubt that habits are formed at a very early age. When one is young, it is easy to acquire good habits.
    Good habits are practices that help us in our daily life. The habit of brushing one’s teeth in the morning, for instance, keeps one’s teeth clean and prevents a bad smell which is unpleasant to others. Bad habits such as sticking one’s tongue out, biting one’s fingernails and picking one’s nose, are undesirable ways of behaving in front of others. If we want people to enjoy being with us, we should try to develop habits that are pleasant.
It is said, “We sow an act; we reap a habit. We sow a habit and we reap a character.” The habits we formed at an early age shape our character. Habits are like tributaries(支流) which flow into a river. The river is made up of all its tributaries; a person’s character is made up of all the habits that he or she has acquired over the years.
【写作内容】
1.   以约30个词概括本文内容;
2.   以约120个词谈谈你对好习惯养成的看法,并包括以下要点:
      (1)你认为好习惯重要吗,为什么?
      (2)你身上有哪些好习惯,它们对你的学习或生活有什么影响。
      (3)怎样才能养成良好的习惯。
【写作要求】
    1. 作文中可以使用亲身经历或虚构的故事,也可以参照阅读材料的内容,但不得直接引用原文的句子。
    2. 作文中不得出现真实姓名和学校名称。
【评分标准】
概括准确,语言规范,内容合适,语篇连贯。
 
读写任务:(One possible version)
The author tells us that habits are formed when we are young and we should try to develop good habits, for they benefit us in our daily life and help us shape our character.
   I can’t agree with the author more that it is of great significance to form a good habit. Cultivating a good habit can not only shape our character, increase our inner beauty but also influence those people around you.
   As for me, I have a lot of good habits like getting up early to speak English aloud, and reviewing and previewing lessons before going to bed every day, which have a great impact on my study and daily life In the past, I didn’t dare to speak English before others because of my poor pronunciation and I also did badly in my English tests. Thanks to my good habits, however, I have been making progress in my English study. Now I am proud of my speaking and writing in English.
    Here are some solutions to the problem of how to form a good habit. First of all, you should be determined to fight against your laziness. Once you make up your mind to do something, never give up easily. Then, you have to be confident, believing that you can become a better person. Last but not least, keep urging yourself. It may take a long period for you to form a good habit but remember it is perseverance that makes you successful!
 
附录四:写作中常用词汇和高级词汇简表
老师在讲评作文时,经常对同学们说,写作要得高分,就得有高级句型和高级词汇。究竟什么样的词汇才是高级词汇呢?以下就是通过研读一些优秀作文考生的习作和历年高考写作题的范文,总结出来的一些“高级词汇”,供同学们参考。

汉语意思 常用词汇 高级词汇
采用 use adopt
使用 use make use of; take advantage of; make the best of
参观 visit pay a visit to; go to… for a visit
相信 believe that … hold the belief that...; be greatly convinced that…
发生 happen (vi) hit (some place) (vt.); take place
应该 should be supposed to
想到 sb think of sth sth occur to/ strike sb; come up with sth
建议 suggest that … put forward the suggestion that …
促成;导致 cause contribute to; lead to; result in
照顾 look after / take care of tend to
提高 Improve promote; strengthen
把时间用于 spend (all his spare time) in/on devote (all his spare time) to…
向某人道歉 apologize to sb make an apology to sb
决定/决心做某事 decide to do sth be determined to do sth
面对;面临 face be faced/ confronted with
位于 be in; lie in (/on/near) be located in; be situated in (/on/near)
知道;意识到 know be aware of/that; come to realize
同意某人观点 agree with sb share the same idea with sb
对……满意 be satisfied with express one’s satisfaction with
对……有兴趣 be interested in be crazy about; show great interest in
对……生气 be angry with be annoyed with
忙于…… be busy with be occupied with; bury oneself in
重视 pay attention to attach great importance to
试图做某事 try one’s best to do sth attempt / seek to do sth
由……组成 be made up of consist of
擅于;精通 be good at have a good command of; be familiar with
一……就 as soon as on (sth. /doing sth;)
走(一段路程) walk /travel (30 miles) cover(30 miles)
普通的 ordinary average
有益的 good beneficial
严重的 serious severe
重要的 (be) important (be) of great importance / significance
重要的 important essential; significant; vital
富裕的 rich wealthy
许多的 many numerous; a large number of
惊人的 surprising amazing; extraordinary
大多数的 most the majority of
累的;精疲力竭 (be) tired (be) worn out; (be) exhausted
各种各样的(书) all kinds of (books) a wide variety of (books)
有时 sometimes occasionally
非常 very extremely
最后;终于 finally eventually
立即;马上 immediately without hesitation; without delay
突然 suddenly all of a sudden
事实上 in fact as a matter of fact
在……期间 during in the course of
因为 because for the reason that
越来越多的人 more and more people an increasing/ growing number of people
温馨提示:以上表格提供了了些常用词的近义表达,对阅读与写作都非常有益,望同学们熟读并掌握好其用法。但是,在写作中不必刻意追求使用所谓高级词汇,要根据自己对词语的实际掌握程度去使用,用自己最熟悉最有把握的词汇恰当地表达自己的思想,才是上策。
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